MGMT - Electric Feel (sped up 10%)

(via taylorhecate)

418,625 plays


So much love

(via taylorhecate)



* trigger warning: sexual assault, sexual abuse, violence, disordered eating, rape, abuse *

he is fear, personified
he is the reason i struggle to get out of
bed every morning

He is guilt and shame and disfunction
He is 4 am nightmares 
about running from him
and his lips

he is what kept me silent through his storm of noise
his screaming was thunder, his abuse lightning

he is solitude
he is why i hate when my phone rings
why i pull away from people that seem entitled to my time
he is why two texts is too many
why “where are you” is a threat
why i am constantly distant

he is uncertainty
he is rethinking every conversation i’ve ever had
to make sure no one
will ever have power over me again
he is wondering if I will ever enjoy my summer
because the ones I shared with him
were not breaks, but torture, with no escape

he is binge drinking my way through two semesters of college
knowing I chose that university so he wouldn’t leave me
and made my bed in his back yard
he is panic attacks in the handicap stall in the campus restroom
he is avoiding local venues because I saw him two months ago
and threw up
the finger and my lunch

he is scars on my thighs
self inflicted punishment
for disobeying him

he is stretch marks,
too much to bear
he broke through on my body
he is disordered eating
he is an 80 pound weight gain in two years

he is vitriolic self hate
he is debasement and shame

he is everything i never want to be
that i see looking back at me when
my eyes meet those in the mirror
he is toxicity

he is the crack in my jaw when
i finally decide to say

i was raped
and I was raped
but I am more than that

I am more than pain
I am more than his actions
I am alive, and I am breathing
and I am free

I am learning and loving and exploring
everything he told me I couldn’t be and wouldn’t accomplish
I am finding
I am sunbeams breaking through clouds at sunset
I am birdsong carried on the wind
I am the first rain of spring
I am bare feet on sand
I am a gushing river, that never stops
enduring, resilient, strong

I weathered his storm,
and now it’s time
to face the rest of my life
with as much vigor and courage
as I can muster

© 2014 Rain Calabotta

The Mountain Goats - Cubs In Five


The Mountain Goats - Cubs In Five

(via noraaisacutie)

123 plays

Anonymous asked: You remind me of soft summer rain while the sun is shining

* gif cw, .gif cw *

dont you dare look at me

what, thank you


Check this out

(via necromorph-slayinglovemachine)


SONG OF THE DAY: “Just Like Time” by Johnette Napolitano [April 20th, 2014]


1 month till move ins! Come watch me perform this summer with Spirit of Atlanta!


1 month till move ins! Come watch me perform this summer with Spirit of Atlanta!

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rain | 20 | queer
iron willed fuck up

pgp: they-them-their(s)

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